Lee's List Of Manliness!
by sand-nin-gurl
Summary: Lee always makes promises before accepting a challenge. Turns out, he keeps his promises in a list. But what if that list were to be... altered?
1. Lee's List Of Manliness!

**Lee's List of Manliness!**

Lee jumped into the air, punching at nothing. "YOSH! IF I CANNOT WIN THIS MATCH, I WILL DO ONE THOUSAND ATTACKS AT THE LOG! AND IF I CANNOT DO THAT, I WILL DO ONE THOUSAND PUSH-UPS! AND IF I CANNOT DO THAT, I WILL DO ONE THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED SIT-UPS! AND IF I CANNOT DO THAT, I WILL EAT NEJI'S HOMECOOKING!"

"Your youthful energy is an inspiration to us all, Lee!" Gai shouted, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Gai-sensei!" Lee sobbed, as well.

"Lee!"

Hug!

"Baka," Neji scoffed, the faintest of blushes creeping over his cheeks at the comment on his homecooking. "You always make extra challenges for yourself."

"What if you can't do anything you promise to do?" Tenten asked critically, ignoring the fact that Gai-sensei and Lee were embracing and sobbing.

"Then I will simply have to work harder!" Lee clenched his fists, his eyes shining. "That is my way of the ninja!"

"Lee! You have such youth! Such passion!" Gai's eyes flashed. "I'm so proud of you!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

HUG--

"'Scuse me." Neji popped up between then before they could hug again. "Can we get on with life, please?"

"Of course!" Lee broke away, taking his fighting stance. "Let's fight, Neji!"

"Finally." Neji took his stance, as well.

**Five minutes later**

"Ok, go ahead, go kick the log." Neji turned away, leaving Lee in a crumpled, bleeding mass on the ground.

"Anou..." Lee groaned and let his head rest on the ground for a few minutes.

_I wonder..._ Tenten ran after Neji. "Oi! Neji! You're not, you know... grudging because Lee insulted your cooking, are you?"

"_Grudging_?" Neji turned to her, his eyes spitting fire. "_Of course I'm not grudging. What makes you say that? Besides, I am an excellent cook_!" he shouted, his chakra creating a small crater under his feet.

Tenten backed away as Neji turned and began murmuring to himself.

"_What's wrong, Neji_?" he asked in a creepy voice. "Nothing's wrong," he answered himself in his normal voice. "_Why are you so angry_?" he asked in the creepy voice. "Because Lee is a freak of nature and I can't break him of the habit! _Did he insult our cooking again? _Yes! He made it one of his 'promises'! _Ohhh, he will pay.... He will pay for this insult...!_"

"Um... Neji?" Tenten squeaked.

"What?!" He whirled around, his eyes menacing.

"Um... don't hurt him too bad, ok?" she asked carefully.

"You can help us, Tenten!" he said, rather excited for him (aka, monotone with slight feeling).

"...Huh?"

"Come on!" He grabbed her arm and pulled her back towards the clearing where Gai's cell normally trained.

"Uh..."

Neji shushed her, stopping just outside the clearing. Tenten was confused for a moment, before she realized he was listening to Gai and Lee talk.

"Gai-sensei! I lost again!" Lee was saying.

"Don't worry, Lee! You will win one day! You have such youthful power!"

"Do you think so, Gai-sensei?!"

"I do, Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"That is not something you get used to," Tenten stated, turning away as her freakish sensei and freakish team-mate embraced.

"Shhhh!" Neji continued to listen tentively.

"Gai-sensei! We must continue the list!"

"Of course, Lee! Should either of us lose again, we must have the List Of Manly Promises ready!"

"List Of Manly Promises?" Neji and Tenten repeated together, peeking out from behind the tree they were hiding behind.

As they did, they saw Gai whip out a rather thick scroll, a paintbrush, and a bottle of ink.

"...Where is he keeping it?" Neji asked, eyebrow raised.

As Gai and Lee bent over the scroll, eyes intent, Neji suddenly had an idea. His face split into a grin; he knew he looked pyscotic, but he didn't really care; he had a good idea.

"Come on, Tenten!" he hissed, grabbing her wrist and running away at an unearthly speed.

"Hu--WHOA!" Tenten felt like a wind-sock.

**Later**

"Ok!" Neji slammed a twelve-inch thick book on his desk. He beamed at it for a few minutes.

"_Ways To Kill Gai-sensei and Lee_?" Tenten read the title. "By Hyuuga Neji?" She turned to her team-mate. "Do you have a life?"

"Shut up!" He got out a scroll and his writing supplies, opening the book to page one.

**WAYS TO KILL GAI-SENSEI AND LEE**

**By Hyuuga Neji**

_1. Sneak poison into a snack and give it to them, claiming it will give them immortal youthful energy._

_2. Tell Hokage that Gai-sensei's dancing has scarred me for life and demand he be executed._

_3. Use Henge to turn into a female-version of Gai-sensei aNd lurl him away into a pit of insane cats. _

_4. Shred all of Gai and Lee's wardrobe and replace with normal, human clothes._

_5. Play Pin-The-Kunai on the Gai._

_6. Let Tenten use Lee and Gai for target practice and say it was an accident_

_7. Use my Gentle Fist to cut off chakra-circulation to lungs_

_8. Throw them both into a boiling pot of lard and let Chouji sit on the lid_

Tenten turned to Neji. "How long have you spent on this?"

Neji shrugged. "Since the cell was created, give or take."

She raised an eyebrow. "You really don't have a life, do you?"

He glared. "Shut up."

"Why did you need to bring this out anyway?"

"To give me inspiration," Neji answered, opening the blank scroll.

"...For what?"

"Lee's New and Improved List of Manly Promises," he answered, looking at her as if she were dense.

"...This is getting to be very disturbing..."

**TO BE CONTINUED!!**


	2. When All Else Fails, Ask Your Cousin

**Lee's List Of Manliness!**

Sorry it took me a short forever to update! (Kenshin grin) I was way busy with Genius In Love and Apprentice... My two most popular! But, you never know... If reviews keep coming in for this (I got ten reviews for the last chappie in up to 2 days! That's alot for one thing, when you think about it) this story might become popular, too... Hmm...

Kyuubi: I doubt it.

Gotta love your optimistic demon fox. Anyway, I was just watching the Chuunin exam, Gaara vs. Lee, and I would just like to say this: I love Lee. I adore Lee. Gai-sensei is a little weird, but I love Lee. Lee is my baby (not really... Neji is...), you get what I'm saying? This fan fic is in no way shape or form a Lee-hater ficcie. Lee is the nicest guy you'll ever meet in your life. Period. You will never meet another guy so pure-hearted. Personally, I think that anyone who writes Lee-bashing ficcies should suffer death by nacho cheese.

REVIEW ANSWERS:

Kivrin: : ) I glad you like it!

Irukapooka: Yay! It be Irukapooka! I wubbses u ficcie, ABSS, but you already know that... Yay! It is you! (My god and inspiration!) (heart)

deity of death1: I have disturbed someone! My life is complete!

Gambit Gurl Isis: I. Love. Him. Too. !!. And you, too! (heart)

Junsui Kegasu: (Kenshin grin.) We wubses Neji!

jazzywolf: Here you go! Nice update!

AyumuOsakaKasuga: Yes! Crazyness!

kie-san: For all that is freakishly good and weird, here is your update! (P.S.: Do you have AIM?? I like you! ...But not like that... maybe... -shifty eyes-)

Dragon Man 180: Wow, my only sane review for this ficcie... and yet, somehow... not... (grin!) Do you have AIM, too?? I likeses talking to reviewers! Jazzyw and I talk bunches if we're on (she thinks she owns Itachi... HA! J/k, Jazzy! -heart-)

Night-Owl123: :D Here be update!

Wow, no anonymous reviews... I was shocked. I usually get alot of those and it kind of bugs me... If you leave nice reviews alot, I might want to get to know you, you know! Ack!

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**Chapter Two: When All Else Fails, Ask Your Cousin**

Tenten yawned hugely, examining her nails; using her weapons so much had worn them down horrifically. She immeadiately whipped out a nail-file. (How's that gonna solve your troubles?!) She glanced over at Neji while filing her nails. "Any ideas yet?"

"Shut up! I have lots of ideas!" Neji shouted angrily, bending over the scroll and the _Ways To Kill Gai-Sensei and Lee, by Hyuuga Neji._

"Then why aren't we seeing any writing?" Tenten asked, picking up the still-blank scroll that would soon take it's place in the world as Lee's New and Improved (cough cough) List Of Manly Promises.

"Because it's all in here." Neji tapped on his temple. He paused, then sort of hunched over; Tenten was confused, until he asked himself in a creepy voice, "_Is she insulting us again? _Yes! _We should make a list for her, too! Let's Byakugan her! _That might be hard to explain to her parents.... _Aw, who cares, just do it!_"

Tenten's eyebrow sky-rocketed. After being alone with the guy for ten straight minutes, she was slightly accustomed to the fact that she had a freakin pyscho for a team-mate. "Neji, if you... Byakugan me... No one will help you write this list and take over Gai and Lee."

"I'll have help!"

_I wish... _"Who?" Tenten placed her hands on her hips.

"Clarence! Duh!" Neji looked at her like she was stupid.

"Clarence!" Neji tapped his forehead.

"...Oh my god..." Tenten backed away.

(HINATA SUDDENLY APPEARS!)

"Neji-nii-sa, you know you're not allowed to talk to Clarence," the younger Hyuuga said in her gentle voice.

"He NAMED his curse-seal?!" Tenten hissed in Hinata's ear.

"Well, yes." Hinata looked at her like she was stupid, too.

Tenten starred at them. _They're mad. They're all freakin' mad._

"Hinata! Cousin! Amigo! Number-One-On-My-People-To-Kill-List!" Neji greeted Hinata with a pyscotic smile. "What bothers you about Gai-sensei and Lee??"

Tenten glanced at Hinata; she seemed unphased that she happened to be on the To-Kill list of a pyscho with a friendly curse-seal. "Well, those eyebrows always made me feel a bit unnerved."

"Eyebrows!" Neji smacked his knee. "Eyebrows, Tenten! Of course!" Giggling to himself, Neji scribbled maddly in 'Lee's New And Improved List Of Manly Promises.'

"Oh, sweet mother of that Toad-guy, tell me I'm dreaming," Tenten said under her breath as Hinata went to look over Neji's shoulder, also giggling madly. Who knew Hinata was a closet-megalomaniac, too? _I always thought she was the NORMAL genin..._

**(The Next Day)**

"GOOD-MORNING, NEJI, TENTEN, LEE!" Gai announced his prescence to the world.

"GOOD MORNING, GAI-SENSEI!" Lee chorused faithfully from his seated position on the ground. He saluted his sensei.

"'Morning." Tenten sat on the opposite end of the log from Neji; the long-haired gennin was beginning to freak her out.

"Hn." (Translation: GOOD MORNING FROM NEJI, GAI-SENSEI!)

Tenten glanced at her teammate; actually, Neji acted somewhat normal around Gai and Lee... whatever normal meant anymore for him... Maybe if she spent more time in the company of Gai and Lee, it would not encourage 'Clarence' behavior.

Tenten glanced at Neji again; his eye was twitching.

_Maybe not._

Meanwhile, deep within the confines of Neji's mind...

Evil was stirring.

And not just any evil. Oh, no... This was evil born from the pit of hell that is Neji's brain... Evil called forth from the depths of long-suppressed malice. And soon, this evil was going to awaken... and spill forth....

"Lee, you dropped your scroll," Neji said, almost kindly, handing Lee a scroll.

"Thank you, Neji!" Lee took it, examined the seal, and nodded. "This is mine!"

"GOOD JOB, LEE! YOU HAvE RECOVERED A LOST POSSESSION WITH THE ASSISTANCE OF A TEAM-MATE AND NOW IT IS NO LONGER LOST! THIS IS WHAT TEAMWORK AND YOUTHFUL ENERGY TRULLY IS!" (Gai-sensei talks like Mojo JoJo...)

Neji: Twitch-twitch.

TBC

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**_SNG'S LITTLE FAN FICTION NEWSLETTER:_**

**ATTENTION REVIEWERS!!**

Due to the fact that _Catharsis_ has gotten NO reviews whatsoever since I updated it, and due to the fact that the amount of reviews it has is pitiful, I will be removing it on January 1st. This is your last chance to go read it, if you liked it. And I don't care if people say "Oh, but it's so good, you should keep it up!" To be honest, I don't care; if it was so good, I'd have more reviews.

**ALSO, NEJI FANS:**

I am currently developing a fan fiction deticated solely to Neji, which will possibly be one of the most difficult fics I've written yet, owing to the fact that most of it is song chapters. The songs are basically just a group of songs that I think really describe Neji. If you have any ideas for songs you'd like me to use, please e-mail me (above) and let me know the song name and the group, and whether or not you would like ackowledgement when the chapter is posted.

**LIST OF SONGS SO FAR FOR NEJI-FIC:**

_Behind Blue Eyes,_ Limp Bizkit cover

_Want,_ Disturbed

_My December,_ Linkin Park

_Hold On,_ Good Charlotte

_Aerials,_ System Of A Down

_Code Of Energy,_ Papa Roach

_Going Under, _Evanescence

_Pts. Of Athrty_, by Linkin Park

_I Hate Everything About You, _by Three Days Grace

Please _let me know_ if you have any ideas!

ALSO: The **holiday newsletter** will be back with the next installment of all chapters for my fictions. Please let me know if you have a **birthday **during this time (sorry, I haven't been keeping a list... but I will now!) or if there are any **new manga releases** and/or **Holiday fictions** out there worth while.

ALSO, ALSO: The sequel to _Bozenjishitsu_ will be posted on the 20th. Please keep an eye out for it! (I won't say what, exactly...)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!


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